It can take years to realize how deeply someone has impacted you, and sometimes that realization happens a little too late. One of my favorite classes I’ve ever taken in my academic career was game theory, with Dr. Mine Cinar. Ideas from that course followed me everywhere. Every situation I looked at, every dilemma I considered, could be mapped out and optimized. At some point in my life, my priorities shifted and game theory faded into the background, I don’t know why. Looking back, it’s akin to leaving your childhood teddy bear behind when you go to college. I just stopped focusing on it, stopped exploring it, stopped engaging with a topic that I loved. I think she understood, she reminded me that being a mom was important, that having a career was important, but she also reminded me that I was smart. She said that repeatedly, and honestly, I don’t think I ever truly believed her. She reminded me that I co-founded the Economics Forum, over and over again. Every time I saw her, she would tell everyone around her that I did that. In hindsight, I think she did that for representation.
Over the last three months, I had a mental breakthrough on my dissertation topic. I realized that it could be related back to cooperative game theory. And last night, when it was dark outside, hours past when I already should have been home, I stumbled across some old notes that triggered memories of diagrams and scribbles, and hastily drawn sketches of game theory modeled dilemmas. And I applied one of those old ideas to my current research topic, and it worked perfectly, just like it always had in the past. It wasn’t an answer, but it was a theoretical approach that supported my hypothesis. It did exactly what theory is supposed to do. Theory is subtle, in that it is intangible and hypothetical, but it underlies every situation. And every situation further supports its existence.
That’s what Mine was like.
Last night, when I realized how perfectly it grounded my dissertation, the first person I wanted to tell was Dr. Cinar. But it’s been 10 months since she passed. Mine, my initial data seems to show that my hypothesis is right, and if I can prove it out further, this research could really mean something. I wish you were here to help me work through it. Thank you for putting me on the right path, and for always validating me, even when I didn’t believe I deserved any of it.
